Buckinghamshire’s pioneering adult mental health service for parents who present with safeguarding risks to their infants is celebrating its 10^th birthday.

ReConnect works therapeutically with parents to reduce risks to children by breaking patterns of abuse and neglect, and supporting families to remain together.

The service supports the mental health of parents to help them recognise and respond to the emotional needs of their children.

Parents accessing the service may have previously had a child removed from their care, their child is on a child protection plan and they may have their own problems with managing emotions and mental health arising from past trauma.

Through targeted one-to-one therapy, group work, and unique video feedback (video interaction guidance), the service can support parents with reducing the risks to their child and break previous patterns of abuse and neglect.

Dr Nicola Connelly

Dr Nicola Connolly, is Consultant Clinical Psychologist and Clinical Lead for the service which is provided by Oxford Health NHS Foundation Trust, said: “ReConnect was set up as part of the 1001 critical days manifesto to offer early intervention to families who need it most.

“The service can offer long-term therapy to parents to help them retain care of their child and to reduce the number of children entering the care system.

“Therapy can be challenging, as we work with parents exploring their own childhood histories, past traumas and abusive partner relationships.

“Approximately a third of the clients we see remain engaged in the service resulting in social care no longer being involved in their family.

“The long term benefits to the child in terms of their mental health and adjustment to society may not be immediately visible at this stage, but early intervention services like ReConnect are an important investment in that child’s future supporting them to develop secure attachments, greater self-esteem and healthier relationships thereby breaking cycles of abuse and neglect”.

Jiya from High Wycombe

Ten years ago mum Jiya was referred to Reconnect after giving birth to her son. She felt disconnected from him and was struggling to understand what he needed.

She found it increasingly difficult to settle him and overtime became concerned he was not hitting developmental milestones.

Jiya had first experienced challenges in her pregnancy. She felt her mental health decline to a point she wanted a miscarriage so she did not have a baby.

When her son was very young she developed mastitis, a painful blockage infection in the breast commonly experienced by breastfeeding mothers which causes flu-like and depressive symptoms.

At the same time she became to realise her son was not hitting developmental milestones. She told her health visitor how poorly and lost she felt.

She said: “I was feeling low and I knew how I felt about my child isn’t perhaps how I should be feeling. I’d had mastitis a few times. I started crying and said actually I’m feeling very low, I can’t sleep and think there is something wrong with my son.”

The health visitor arranged for Jiya to see her doctor and she began taking anti-depressants and for a mums befriending support person to call in once a week to lend a guiding hand.

Although helpful, it wasn’t enough to help Jiya understand the often confusing needs or reactions of her baby and ease her sense of depression and helplessness.

Jiya knew her son needed more support, and without the ability to see how she could provide it, had begun to think of solutions clouded by her poor mental health and unhelpful thought patterns.

She knew they were not the answer, but was at first terrified to say them aloud to professionals who may be able to help her in case she was judged.

It turned out that speaking to the right person enabled her to get the help she needed for both of them.

Jiya continued: “One day the health visitor turned to me and said: ‘What would you say if I offered to take your son away right now? I said ‘Yes, that would be really great.’ I said ‘I’ve thought about this quite a lot….I couldn’t send him away…..In my mind it would be easier if he died from natural causes.

“When you have feelings you know most people don’t, you don’t know who you can totally trust.”

The Health Visitor made a referral to Social Services and Jiya was signposted to ReConnect.

At first, Jiya said she was terrified that social services were involved and she was under intense scrutiny.

She began therapy knowing that she would need to explore her own emotions and reactions to improve her mental health and learn new ways to attune to and meet his needs.

She said: “I had no expectations. I wanted to take any help I could get. I did individual work and group therapy simultaneously.

“There’s the fear you’re going to be recognised in the group but I quickly realised I didn’t know anybody and I was safe. We talked about how to recognise what your child needs and attachment.

“You don’t come away from sessions feeling great about yourself. It makes you reflect on yourself and you become aware of things you’ve done wrong. It didn’t give you a lift but it’s a process you have to go through to get the end result.

“I would have a session with Nicola. She said call me if it gets really difficult. We had the next session and I told her my son had had an awful tantrum, I can’t cope. It’s horrible. I can’t go on.S

“he said ‘You didn’t call me. Next time call me.’ And so I did and she was so helpful.

“It gradually gets better. It’s not totally over when you leave. You have to continue working at it. It’s not perfect. You’re never going to get it right all the time.

“I’ve gone from wanting my son removed to actually feeling like I should fear him leaving home. My feelings towards him have changed. I think it’s a much happier household.”

Nora lives near Haddenham with her family

Nora had three children already removed from her care when she became pregnant with her fourth child. Her unborn child was placed under a child protection plan and social services referred Nora to ReConnect.

Through embarking on an intense two year therapy programme which included individual therapy and group therapy, she began to see the pattern of domestic abuse she had been living under and exposing her children to.

She understood how she had closed off her emotions to deal with her own trauma, and importantly, the impact that was having on her ability to connect with her children, recognise their needs and to care for them.

She said: “I wanted to be able to keep my baby in my care. It was really difficult. It took me quite a long time to agree to ReConnect but once I started I realised how much help it was for me.

“I was very detached from my emotions. I couldn’t understand the different emotions towards the children and ReConnect helped me with that. They also helped me understand domestic violence was abuse.

“I had trauma therapy and sessions which were recorded. Each week we would look at the recordings and it meant I could see a difference in myself. I did it for about two years.

“When I was going though the trauma I was going through, Nicola said to me that this was domestic abuse and I didn’t even realise.

“She showed me a different way. I was writing my emotions and feelings down as well. That kind of helped. We worked through it together.

“It’s given me confidence, since I left the programme. I’ve learned that if I’m struggling with something I can ask for help now. It build my confidence up.

“My child is 10 now. When I joined the programme they were a one week old baby.

“I feel more of a parent now. I don’t have so much anxiety about losing her into social care. I can recognise the signs. At the moment she’s struggling with her emotions. We’ve recently had family support in. I suffer from depression it goes up and down.

“I just remember what Nicola taught me. She showed me strategies and techniques through the programme. It really helped my family.

“Before ReConnect I wouldn’t have asked. It gave me the confidence to ask for that help.

“It’s really helped me and my other three children as well. I got contact back with my other three children. I’m really proud of that because at the time of doing ReConnect I was going through court proceedings as well.

“I’ve passed on the knowledge that I’ve gained with Reconnect to them. My adult daughter qualified as a social worker. She wanted to go into social work.

“Social services helped too. I say this to the children all the time. If you didn’t end up in care it could have gone somewhere else. It could have ended in prison for them because of the type of lifestyle we were living.

“It made me realise what life was like. I had five relationships with violent partners and developed post-traumatic stress disorder.

“My partners were saying I was no good, no one wants me. And I stayed. My older children would say go, leave us, just run. There were times when I felt like it. I did just want to go. But I kept going back. I couldn’t leave them.

“I think the older children could have got a bit out of hand because of what they had seen.

“When my son went into care he was so angry but I couldn’t help him until I got out of that situation. When he was placed into care his foster family got him support and that helped him.

“I want people to know how much ReConnect helps. At first it was scary. But towards the end you realise how far you’ve come in life.

“It’s not easy coming to the sessions. You’ve to strip it right back to where it starts and for me that was the hardest. It helped where we recorded the sessions.

“Nicola pointed it out when I couldn’t really see it. At first my shoulders were low and then my head was up and I was talking clearly. I even started to cry which was amazing for me.

“It helped me bring it all out and made me realise what my life was like. I’ve still got some of the recordings.

“I would recommend the programme. Speak to your health visitor and doctor, your social worker if you have one. Mention it to social services. It changes lives.”

ReConnect – Buckinghamshire – Oxford Health NHS Foundation Trust